


Long Time, No See

by EtherealOmega, Lookatthestars98



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alcohol, Cussing, FTM Cronus, Humanstuck, M/M, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, mentions of bullying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-09
Updated: 2017-02-02
Packaged: 2018-03-11 06:17:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3317267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EtherealOmega/pseuds/EtherealOmega, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lookatthestars98/pseuds/Lookatthestars98
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cronus and Kankri haven't spoken since high school, and Cronus has been missing the other. Little did he know the other had missed him as well. Their conversation takes an interesting turn as their true feelings for each other start being exposed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally a paragraph format RP that Lookatthestars98 and I did. I apologize in advance if it's origins makes the style of the story a bit strange. Enjoy!

Cronus lounges on his small apartments couch in only his boxers and binder flipping through the channels of the tv. It has been a long day already and he still has his shift to work at Beforus (one of the major bars in the area). He finally settles for a rerun of NCIS and settles down for the last hour or so before he has to head out. 

Kankri is in the kitchen, trying to find something to curb his hunger. It’s late, and he knows he shouldn’t, but he just can’t help himself. He’s bored, tired, and has had a very long day. He eventually finds some chips and deems them suitable. For now. He walks over to the couch and sits himself down on the couch, finally able to relax. 

He sighs looking over at his cellphone. It has been a long time since he has heard from someone that still holds a dear place in his heart. In fact it has been since the end of high school which was almost two years ago. He misses the shorter albino boy who used to keep him company and stand up for him when no one else would because he wasn’t born a guy yet identified as one. He debates not texting the other, but snatches up the phone and sends him a quick text before he can change his mind. _hey there, chief. long time no see. just vwanted to see howv things havwe been going for you._

Kankri sighs, flipping through the tv channels before settling on NCIS. It’s one of his favorites, and it’s an old episode. He rather likes rewatching things, or rereading them. It’s like revisiting an old friend. Speaking of old friends, look who has just texted him. His heart flutters a bit despite himself, as he looks at the name. Cronus Ampora. He was an old friend of his from high school, who happened to be a little different, like him. He was transgender. Kankri had never particularly cared, and had treated many an asshole to his sermons when they were cruel. He frowns for a moment, before typing a harmless, safe reply.  _Why hell9 there Cr9nus. It has 6een a while since we have sp9ken, hasn’t it? I’m glad t9 hear fr9m y9u. I am d9ing well, thank y9u. H9w have things 6een treating y9u?_

 _things havwe been much better since i movwed avway from the hell vwe once called home. it’s been easier to find vwork and people vwho don’t really givwe a fuck about vwho or vwhat i am._ He smiles as he send the reply and glaces at the clock.

Kankri smiled a bit, his eyes down on his phone.  _I’m glad t9 hear that, my friend. I supp9se it w9uld 6e p9intless and childish t9 sc9ld y9u 9n y9ur language? Alas, 9ld ha6its die hard._ He presses send quickly, before he can overthink the “old friend” that he put in there, or the criticism. People tell him all the time he should lighten up, but he is who he is. He can’t really help it. 

He smiles wide laughing a bit at the light criticism. He remembers days when Kankri used to lecture him nonstop due to his language. In truth on occasion he used to cuzz a bit overboard on purpose in order to merely hear his voice for hours on ends. It had always held his attention in ways almost nothing else could compare. _sorry bout that, doll. i’ll try to keep in mind you dont like cussing though you may havwe to excuse me on occassion since i’vwe gotten used to it. howv you been, kanny?_ As soon as he sends it he winces seeing his mistake immediately. He accidentally called the shorter boy by that nickname he so despised, yet Cronus had come to love. 

Kankri bites his lip, blushing a bit at the nickname. He had finally gotten Porrim to quit calling him that, so it was just Cronus. He had started to associate it with him, if he was honest. It made his heart flutter in ways that concerned him a bit.  _9h, I’ve been well, thank y9u. And it’s fine. I’ve m9stly g9tten used t9 cussing and things. Adulth99d d9es that t9 y9u, I supp9se. H9w have y9u 6een? Anything new happen since we’ve sp9ken the last?_

 _quite a bit actually. i mean i still havwe horrible luck vwith significant others, but vwhat else is newv. you knowv? been holding a steady job for about six months at a bar called beforus. it’s fun. i havwe to leavwe for my shift soon actually._ He yawns getting up to go get dress groaning. He really does not want to work tonight.

His eyebrows raise a bit. So, he’s single? Kankri shakes his head violently. No, he doesn’t need that in his life. His vow may no longer be in effect, however… He sighs.  _9h? Sh9uld I n9t 69ther y9u n9w? If y9u’re 6usy, we can talk later._

He smiles at the phone as he tugs on a pair of tight black skinny jeans. _nah it’s fine, lovwe. i don’t mind. it’s sorta nice to talk to you after all this time._ He sends it and pulls on a white shirt and his normal leather jacket. He is almost out the door before he realizes that he just called Kankri Vantas, the one who reminded him on many occasions throughout their high school carrier that he was and would always remain celibate, “lovwe”. Oh shit…. He is so fucking screwed.

Kankri smiles as his phone buzzes, and he opens up the text. His smile widens as he sees Cronus still wants to talk to him. However, one word makes him just about drop his phone. “lovwe”. He called him love. His face was flaming, he could feel it burn.  _Then I will 6e glad t9 c9ntinue 9ur c9nversati9n… I have had very little luck in my r9mantic endeav9rs as well, even after I have d9ne away with that childish v9w. Als9, it is quite nice t9 speak with y9u as well…._

His cheeks turn a shade of red he had never known possible when he saw that Kankri was no longer celibate. Woah, down Cronus. He may not be celibate anymore, but that doesn’t mean you have any more of a chance with him than when he was. He is just too good for you. _you vworking anyvwhere, or did you end up going to college on that full ride your dad vwas pushing you to get?_

 _I did end up g9ing t9 c9llege, just n9t f9r what he was pushing me t9 d9. I decided at the last minute that I w9uld c9mprimise what I wanted, and what he did. S9 I am in sch99l, but am studying law. I am als9 w9rking as well, helping 9ut at P9rrim’s cl9thing st9re.  What a69ut y9u? Did y9u end up in sch99l?_ Kankri smiled at the phone, happy to be finally reconnecting with his old friend. Well, his old crush, if he was being honest iwth himself. It was a shame, he had hoped that would’ve gone away in time… It hadn’t.

  _nah. you of all people should knowv i prefer to vwork vwith my hands. i make and sell metal, leather, and wvwood vwork on the side to make a bit more, but i’m happy livwing from paycheck to paycheck. in truth i prefer it to vwhen i vwas under my dad’s roof and i vwas spoiled rotten. it didn’t seem vworth it._  He smiles remembering the way the other would always react when he would by him things with the extra money he had since he was better off in the money department.

Kankri smiles, glad to hear how well Cronus seems to be doing.  _Yes, I d9 seem to remem6er that a69ut y9u. And that s9unds amazing. Where d9 y9u sell them? I’d like t9 see s9metime. As f9r the m9ney thing, well. I’m just glad y9u’re happy._

 _i sell them online. it’s a vwebsite called etsy. if you evwer vwant anything made for yourself or anyone else i can see vwhat i can do. oh! and i’vwe also been vworking on my music. the bar i vwork at has a night for local musicians i play evwery once in avwhile and people seem to like it._ He grins quite proud of himself.

Kankri pauses for a moment, before his face lights up. He has just had the most perfect idea.  _Y9u kn9w, remem6er that st9re I menti9ned P9rrim having? Well, if y9u’d like, she might 6e willing t9 sell s9me 9f the stuff y9u make there… She’s 6een c9mplaining t9 me a69ut h9w they have s9 little access9ries, anyways… 9f c9urse, 9nly if y9u’d like. Als9, what night d9 y9u play at the 6ar? May6e I’ll c9me visit._ He cringes at how creepy that sounds after he sends it, shaking his head. It’s one thing to start talking again, but he doesn’t want to seem to eager. It’s pathetic, really.

The thought of Kankri coming to watch him play is both terrifying and exhilarating. _i’d lovwe to help her out vwith that sort of shit, and i play the last friday of evwery month unless i havwe to vwork that night or am sick._ God… He really wants the other to like his music, but he knows he will have to pick the song carefully since quite a few of his songs were inspired by the before mentioned male.

Kankri hums for a moment, planning to switch shifts with somebody that next friday so he can come visit. Maybe he’ll make it a surprise.  _Hmm, I’ll have t9 see if i can make it next time. As f9r the thing with P9rrim, I’ll ask her t9m9rr9w._  

 _aight. thanks, lovwely. i’ll talk to you vwhen i get to vwork, but i havwe to hop on my bike. ttyl._  He quickly shoves his phone in his pocket before swinging his left leg over his bike and kicking out the kickstand all in one smooth motion. He then kicks the engine on and drives off enjoying the whip of the wind through his hair since he didn’t gell it back that night.

Kankri stops, frozen. “lovwely”. He cannot do this. He forgot about the ever-present pet names that became a staple in Cronus’s vocabulary. This was going to be quite troublesome if they were ever to meet again in person…  _Well, I d9n’t kn9w a69ut that, 6ut… And s9unds g99d. I’ll 6e waiting._ Kankri face-palmed, wanting nothing more than to crawl into a hole and die. God, he sounded absolutely ridiculous in that message. He shouldn’t have said anything…


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. It's been forever since I've posted in general. I saw that this one had three chapters missing, and decided to go dig it up. All four of the other chapters were written so we're gonna be posting them all in one fell swoop. Hope any of you who are still around and for some reason waiting enjoy this alright.

He hops off his bike after parking it and checks his phone as he walks the short distance to his work. He nearly stops dead in his tracks as he sees the first sentence. Oh bullshit Kankri isn’t lovely. He is one of the most gorgeous people he has ever know. _hey, kankri seriously. do not put yourself dowvn. you’re a great guy!_

_...Thank y9u, Cr9nus. As are y9u. I...w9n’t push the matter. N9t n9w. Anyways…_  
He stops, and drops his phone in frustration, burying his head in the pillow. Maybe he’d suffocate, and the pain would be over. He hoped so. God, he was so bad at these things. It was hopeless. 

_;) vwell maybe someday i vwill be able to showv you the truth. He smirks a bit and walks into the bar saying hello to some of the patrons._

_… I …_  
Kankri’s face is on fire, and he thinks he’s stopped breathing. Nobody has ever spoken to him in this fashion, and it’s...doing things to him. 

He chuckles slipping behind the bar and shooting the other a quick text. _i’ll be slowver to respond nowv, beautiful. my shift is about to begin so talk to you at i go. ;)_

_This is s9 very unfair 9f y9u. Y9u have a6s9lutely n9 idea._  
Kankri has stopped functioning. He cannot do this. He doesn’t know how to deal with this. 

He goes through his normal routine of chatting up the young ladies and gents around the bar while he cleans out some of the glasses. He leans against the bar smirking and laughing with one of the other bartenders. He’s a mexican with hair style that only he could pull off. A red mohawk and two more one on each side though those are a bit shorter than the top one. He has a charming smile and woos the ladies with his fluent Spanish. Cronus and him have gotten along since day one on the job. They are both flirts but honestly know when to back off.  
Cronus check his phone and smiles. _oh? vwhy is it so unfair, dollface? i mean come on it’s just little old me._ He smirks and shoves the small device back in his pocket merely shrugging Rufioh’s curious questions about having genuine interest in someone with a teasing “maybe” before walking off. 

Kankri just shakes his head, banging into the pillow multiple times.  
_Please d9n’t make me explain this. It’s just y9u, and that’s the p9int. And s9 I shall reiterate. Unfair._

He quirks an eyebrow as he reads Kankri’s text. _you alright there, beautiful?_

_N9. I am n9t 9kay, thanks f9r asking._  
Kankri closes his eyes, his face burning. He normally doesn’t treat people that way… His younger brother must be rubbing off on him. Soon he’ll be cussing like a sailor. He shivers at the thought. 

_oh come nowv, kitten. no need to keep secrets from me._ He smirks serving a few drinks. It’s slow tonight with only a few patrons so it should be easy enough to manage talking to Kankri and working. 

_I am n9t g9ing t9 explain this t9 y9u. I d9n’t even understand it myself. Anyh9w… H9w d9 y9u like w9rking at a 6ar?_  
Kankri knew it was a weak transition, but it was all he had. He had to get out of that conversation, pronto.

Cronus smirks noticing the transition. _it can be fun, but it is pretty slowv tonight. i vwouldn’t mind something to take up my time. that explanation sounds vwery vwery nice right about now, kitten._

_N9. I am n9t spelling this 9ut f9r y9u. Y9u’ve always 6een g99d at these things, s9 y9u figure it 9ut. I imagine I’m rather 96vious._  
Could you explode from blushing so much? Kankri figured that he’d find out, if the conversation proceeded on it’s set course. 

_honestly if you vwere acting like this to anyone else i vwould havwe a pretty good guess, but come on, kanny. this is me vwe are talking about._ He rolls his eyes sighing softly and starting to make his normal rounds from one patron to another. 

_I have n9 idea what y9u mean 6y that and I resent y9ur implicati9ns._  
He glared at his phone, before getting up to go get himself a drink. Non-alcoholic, of course-though he might need one, with this conversation…

He considers pouring his shift drink earlier than he usually does but decides against it. He just hopes this conversation doesn’t end in disaster. He doesn’t feel like losing this guy just because he decided to move on his feelings for him. _Oh well… vwhat implications? i am truly confused on that one…_

_I am referring t9 the implicati9ns that y9u are unw9rthy 9f my attenti9ns, I resent that greatly. Y9u are… well, I’ll just say that y9u are in n9 way unw9rthy 9f pretty much any9ne. I am quite triggered 6y y9u implying anything different._  
Kankri blushed as he typed, and put the phone down before he could overthink what he had said.

His cheeks burst into flames at the other’s words. Cronus has never had anyone say anything like that to him. It made him feel special that Kankri of all people would say that. _thanks, chief. you’re the same in my book._

_Well, um, thanks…_  
Kankri bites his lip and accepts the compliment, even though his instincts are screaming that he’s wrong. 

Cronus yawns and leans against the bar. He has about two hours left before his shift is over so he pours his shift drink and takes his 30 minute break which is longer than they are supposed to have but Rufioh and him have been doing it this way from the beginning. He sighs softly as he texts the other. _i’m on my break, darling._

_9h? What d9 y9u d9 9n y9ur 6reak?_  
Kankri blushed furiously at the darling, but didn’t comment. He learned his lesson on that one.

_i havwe free reign essentially. i mean i havwe to be polite. i take my shift drink and lounge around. so not much really._

_9h, that s9unds nice. Makes sense, th9ugh, I supp9se._

He hums leaning against the bar and slipping the phone into his pocket to reply later. Sadly he forgets to do so and goes on about the night as if he had. 

Kankri looks at his phone, waiting and waiting for his reply. But, it never comes. “Is he bored of me?” Kankri asks himself, and sighs. He doesn’t want to bother Cronus, and makes himself wait 15 minutes more before he’s allowed to text Cronus again.  
_Hey, I’m assuming y9u just g9t 6usy with w9rk… Let me kn9w when y9u get 9ff, may6e. If y9u like…_

Cronus blinks at the text slightly confused until he looks back up at the previous text. _holy shit! sorry, kanny. i thought i replied.. shit i’m really sorry, chief._ He feels really bad for accidentally slipping up like that. Knowing Vantas he was probably all worried. 

Kankri breathed a sigh of relief as the reply came in immediately.  
_It’s fine. I understand y9u 6eing 6usy. Y9u are at a j96 after all. And it’s 9nly me y9u’re talking t9, s9 it’s n9t like I expect immediate replies._  
As much as Kankri would love them. 

His worried expression softens into a smile. _i try. i just forgot… i tend to do that especially to the important ones._

_9h? What d9 y9u mean 6y that, exactly?_  
Kankri raises his eyebrow.

Cronus counts himself lucky that the short snowy haired boy cannot see him for his cheeks have become a rose red once more. How the hell is he going to get out of this? He could always just lie and say he treasured their friendship, but he doesn’t want to be dishonest with the other.  
He wants to be able to tell him everything: just how beautiful he is, just how much he means to Cronus, and how the world is a better place for having him in it (at least to this boy from the south side). _vwell… you’re important to me._

Kankri’s eyes widened as he read the message, and his face turned bright red. He was...important to him? What does that even mean? It couldn’t mean what he wanted it to, could it? Could it possibly mean what Kankri desperately wanted it to? That Cronus loved him back, that Cronus cared for Kankri in the strong, almost desperate way that Kankri cared for Cronus. But, there was no way. It was impossible.  
_Y9u’re quite imp9rtant t9 me as well…_

He prays silently to the god he no longer believes in after suffering at the hands of those who worship that deity for so long that the other meant it in the same way he had earlier. His cheeks maintain their bright fire, and he has to take a deep breath before replying. _I’m not sure you fully understood what I meant, Kankri._ He uses the other’s full name and drops his silly typing quirk which he has used since middle school to show just how serious he is and takes a gulp of his drink for a bit more courage… Damn… He really should have asked Rufioh to pour a bit heavy tonight.

Kankri sighed, closing his eyes. He had to be honest. Even if things weren’t ever going to be the same, even if he… ruined everything… He had to tell him the truth. Kankri couldn’t lie to him. But maybe, he could delay the inevitable? Yes, he could make sure Cronus knows what he’s getting into, at least.  
_Cronus, are you certain you want to hear this?_  
He sighed, closing his eyes. He had similarly done away with his typing quirks, in an effort to show how serious he was. 

_I could ask the same of you, Kankri._ He sighs leaning back against the bar and looking at the clock. Shit he only has a few more minutes. He better either make this quick or tell the other that he will call him after his shift is over. Decisions, decisions. Better think quick Cronus or time is going to run out.  
He quickly types out a another message hoping Kankri will take it well. _Hey.. Actually can I call you after my shift? It would be easier, and I would prefer not to be interrupted by work when talking about this.._

Kankri sighs, closing his eyes and frowning at his phone before typing out a brief reply.  
_Yes, that’s fine. I’ll talk to you soon._  
He shakes his head at the message, but he’s not sure what else there is to say. He is a bit disappointed that he can’t just text it to him all in one go while his courage is up, but… Cronus deserves better than that, better than just hearing it from a text. Even if… it will be more painful this way, but better. Cronus deserves this, at least. He leans back into the couch, closing his eyes. Things would change after this, one way or another. 

Cronus’s breath catches at the text message worried that the other is a bit peeved by his actions. However, he pushes those thoughts aside as he does his phone. Once the device is firmly in his pocket he downs the last of the alcohol in his glass and gets back behind the bar.


	3. Chapter 3

As closing approaches Rufioh and Cronus begin to urge people out. By the time 2 o’clock rolls around the whole bar is empty minus the two men. Cronus smiles at the other and tells him to get the fuck out of the bar and go spend the last bit of the night with his boyfriend. Rufioh thanks him quietly and clocks out leaving the other to clean up on his own.

Cronus takes a deep breath looking around and pulling out his phone. _Hey, Kankri. I doubt you are still up, but just wanted to let you know I’m off. I have to do some cleaning around the bar, but I’m open all through that because I have time and don’t have to focus too much on it. If you’re asleep I hope your dreams are a safe haven, and tomorrow goes well for you. :)_

As Kankri waits, he feels his eyelids starting to droop, and he struggles to stay awake. One would think that his head being such a roiling mess of thoughts would prevent him from falling asleep, and yet he still cannot quite keep his eyes open. Although he normally doesn’t find himself staying up so late…

Kankri jolts awake as his phone buzzes. He breathes a sigh of relief as he reads the message, thanking whatever god that might be out there that he is a light sleeper. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he gets up and taps a careful reply into his phone.

_I  am awake now, though I did fall asleep. Thankfully it was a dreamless nap, though I thank you for your wishes of my good dreams._

_I didn’t wake you up did I?_ He is quite worried that this is the case. He doesn’t want to screw up the other’s sleeping schedule. _We can talk about this in the morning if it would be easier for you._ He sets to work cleaning off the bar counter humming quietly to himself.

Kankri frowns, considering. Although he doesn’t usually stay up this late, it won’t be much of a problem if he sleeps in later than usual. Tomorrow is his easy day, after all. Although his mind is a bit foggy from sleep, he decides he’d rather not put it off. He might as well do it now, while he has the courage.

_No, it’s fine. I think I’d rather talk about it now, anyways._

Kankri decides to neglect to mention the little detail of Cronus waking him up. He knows the other man would only feel guilty, and he doesn’t want that. He didn’t want to fall asleep in the first place, after all.

He lets out a small sigh before taking a deep breath to gather his courage. He presses the call button and puts the small phone to his ear. “Hey..” He says quietly as he hears the other pick up. Despite having been away from his old home the Brooklyn accent persists.

“Hello Cronus…” Kankri took in a deep breath before letting it out in a chuckle. “Is it bad that I cannot even remember what you had asked me earlier?” He could feel his cheeks getting warm with embarrassment, and was grateful that Cronus couldn’t see his face.

He lets out a small sigh. “Then I suppose it wasn’t as important as I thought.” He forces his voice to sound as cheerful as he normally did, but he’s grateful the other can’t see his face for his eyebrow have knit together, his lips turned down, and his eyes lost their sparkle. He really shouldn’t have gotten his hopes up; he knew Kankri was too good for the likes of him.

“No, that’s not what I meant at all! I’ve been thinking about the answer for so long that, well,” he chuckles at himself a bit. “I seem to have forgotten the question, exactly. I did just wake up, after all. Still, would you care for my reply?” He bit his lip, closing his eyes and bracing himself for the other’s reply. It was do or die time now.

His eyes widen a bit. “O-Oh?” That’s strange… Still… Easy Cro don’t do anything stupid - like get your damn hopes up again. “Sure.. I mean I’vwe been curious ‘bout it all night.” The strange slur of his “v”s and “w”s seems to have persisted with him even after high school, and he silently curses it.

Kankri takes a deep breath, and opens his eyes. However, his thoughts are elsewhere. On one boy in particular.

“Well, this isn’t exactly easy to say. Especially after all these years. However, I think its finally time to tell you. I… well…” He shook his head in frustration, and gathered the last of his courage. “In high school, I like to think we were pretty good friends. Although, I didn’t really act it sometimes. But, I was young and still figuring things out, and didn’t really understand what was happening to me. And then there was you, in all of your…” he pauses for a moment, trying to think of the right word, “...Ampora glory and changed things. I didn’t understand at the time, but now I do. It was the way you would smile at me, and how many different things could be expressed in that one expression. There was that smile of mischief, where you knew you did something I wouldn’t approve of but you told me anyways, so that I would scold you. Or that smile of gratitude whenever I would stand up for you when those numbskulls would bother you because of your gender identity. And I can’t forget that smirk on your face whenever you would do something that made me blush. Ugh, I still blush rather easily. It’s terrible. Oh and I’ll always remember that pure, happy smile you’d give me. It was rare, but I loved it. I… have a lot of things I’d like to say, that I never got a chance to. That I never got the courage to. And even though it’s late and my eloquence is really suffering, I think you should know. You should know how much it drove me crazy when we went swimming our senior year, after I… realized some things. You should know that I’ve never liked cuss ..words unless they fell from your lips, and I’ve never been a big fan of your style of music until you opened your mouth and sang. When I first saw you, freshman year, I was so angry. I probably scared you off, I’m sure. God, I was so young. We were so young. But there was something about you that just… made me upset. I couldn’t understand what it was, but now I do. You made me feel things that I didn’t understand, that I wasn’t ready for. Even from the moment I saw you.” Kankri stops, and closes his eyes. He’s beating around the bush, he knows it, but he… Can he really say it? Cronus most certainly doesn’t feel the same way. But… He’s gone this far. “The first time it hit me was the last day of junior year. You were saying goodbye and you looked so sad, and I felt so very upset for some reason, I couldn’t understand why. I mean we still had another year in high school, and I knew I wasn’t going to lose you yet, but… And then it hit me. It hit me like a ton of bricks and if I’m honest with myself, I’m still reeling. I-I realized that… I love you, Cronus. From the moment I first met you, I loved you. It’s terrible and painful and it won’t go away but… its also one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me. Or, I should say, you are. The moment you walked into my life, everything changed, and I don’t think I’d want it any other way. I love you, your flaws, your imperfections, all of it. I love how you cuss and call everyone (but especially me) stupid pet names, and your little speech imperfection that is actually rather adorable. I love your overuse of hair gel, and your cute accent. I love the little flutter my heart gives when you buy me things and act like its nothing, and I love your singing and dancing when you think nobody’s there to see. I even love your snores. Also I hope you’ve noted the fact that I haven’t mentioned you being transgender in this little list because I don’t consider it a flaw. It’s a part of you. I have you to thank for a lot of things, you know. That vow of celibacy… It was a personal decision that I made due to my own feelings, however… I cannot deny that you inspired that particular epiphany.” He chuckles to himself, his face flaming. “I’m sorry, I seemed to have talked your ear off…” He paused for a moment, before his shoulders went back and his tone became firmer. “Well no, I take that back. I meant every word that was said, and I don’t regret it. Even if you don’t return my feelings, you deserved the pure, honest truth. So, there it is. The answer to your question. I understand if you’ll want to cut ties with me now… “ He trailed off, waiting with an icy hand around his heart for Cronus’s reply.

  
His blood ran cold in the best of ways as Kankri spoke. How…? Why…? What…? This… No… He had to be dreaming. He couldn’t be this lucky. His blood had run cold, and his cheeks flushed a bright crimson as bright as the sweater the albino had alway seemed to be wearing all through high school and cronus loved so much because it brought out Kankri’s eyes so nicely. He tried to hold back the tears that were forming in his eyes, yet when Kankri made the comment on his gender identity and how it wasn’t a flaw in his eyes he couldn’t anymore. Tears flowed silently down his cheeks feeling icy against their flames. As the other trails off his mind races with so many thoughts he can barely say anything. “N-no…” He bites his lower lip knowing he’s going to butcher the next words that come out of his mouth, but that nervousness clears as he remembers what the other said about loving the way he spoke. “I-I lovwe ya too, Kankri…” He wets his lips wanting to say so much more, but not knowing how. What he wants to express can’t really be done in words, or at least not by someone like him. The only time he was good with words was when he was writing song lyrics and even then it could be difficult to do so.


	4. Chapter 4

Wait, what? That couldn’t be true. He must have misheard him, there was no way that he wasn’t being spurned, rejected. That’s what was supposed to happen, that’s what always happens… Especially with someone like Cronus, there was no way… 

“W-wait, what? You didn’t just say what I thought you said… did you?” Kankri’s heart was racing and he was shaking just a bit as he tried to process what exactly was said. Or, wasn’t said. 

He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes his voice becoming firmer and more the Cronus he Kankri remembered. The Cronus who tried to hide pain with a smile, the Cronus who would always try to do things the “right way” yet always seemed to screw it up, the Cronus who didn’t take no for an answer and stubbornly pursued what he wanted, but most of all the Cronus who had learned to hide his love behind a mask of friendship. Well now it was time to let that mask slip. “I lovwe ya.. I vwon’t lie… It vwasn’t immediate like it vwas fer you. It took time. Howvevwer, friendship slowvly faded avway, and I vwas left vwith vwhat I at first thought vwas an imitation but came ta find vwas somethin’ that I’d just nevwer felt before. I came ta find myself tryin’ ta make ya rant just so I could listen to yer vwoice because it vwas the most beautiful thing I’d evwer heard.. Not evwen music could compare, Kan…” He lets himself trail off and shakes his head. He probably didn’t word things right, or made it sound too cliche, but it needed to be said and he didn’t really regret it. 

Kankri stopped. He couldn’t breathe, let alone speak. His heart has stopped and it feels like his throat is dry as sand. Cronus… likes him back? How is that even… He shakes his head, and tries to speak, but for once in his life, finds himself speechless. This has never happened before… 

He clears his throat nervously. “U-uh… Kanny?” His teeth find special interest in his lower lip as he waits for the other to hopefully reply. If he doesn’t something is seriously wrong, and he may have to call up his old bestfriend’s little brother to hack the phone and find the location… Well.. Maybe not anything that drastic… Oh who is he kidding the only thing he cares about is that Kankri is alright. 

“I-I… seem to have lost speech capabilities… “ Kankri stutters out, struggling to find his words. He facepalms, but still can’t seem to find them completely… He stops for a moment. What if it is permanent? His eyes widen and he prays to whatever deity is out there that it isn’t. 

His worried expression softens into a smile. “I can come help fix that if ya givwe me yer address, lovwe.” He hopes he isn’t being too forward or pushy. He just really wants to actually see the other. To see how much he has changed, and how much he has stayed the same. With that he finishes up cleaning the bar and looks around. Deeming it good he walks out closing and locking the door behind him.

Kankri almost chokes. Cronus, here? In his home? He nods before realizing that Cronus can’t see him, and so he chokes out a “Y-yes, my address is… ” Kankir trails off taking a deep breath before stuttering out his address. He frantically starts pacing around the room, puttering around and picking up nonexistent messes. 

He smiles, “Alright, lovwe, I’ll see ya in a bit, a’ight?” He hops on his bike starting it up. “Lovwe you. I’m on y vway.” With that he hangs up and kicks his bike into gear. He is probably speeding a bit, but he honestly doesn’t care: if it gets him to Kankri faster it will be worth it. 

He couldn’t breathe. Cronus was coming over. Cronus, the man he had loved since high school, the man that he hadn’t seen since high school, the man he had been mooning over for years. He was going to see him again. Cronus returned his feelings. Kankri didn’t know how to deal with this. Why was he shaking so badly? He should be excited! He was excited, but… What if he did something wrong? Or stupid? What if Cronus changed his mind? 

Kankri shook his head, trying to rid himself of his doubts. This was Cronus, after all. They’ve made it this long. It’ll be okay. 

He parks and practically sprints to the door, but he stops himself before he can hurriedly knock on the door. He pushes his hair back, and straightens his shirt a bit before staring at the door for a few seconds. Slowly bring his hand up, he raps lightly on the door. 

Kankri finally calms himself down, and sits down on the couch, his posture ramrod straight. And then he hears a knock on the door and practically falls over, scrambling to answer it. He takes a brief moment to compose himself before opening the door to see him. Cronus. After 2 years, he is finally here, with him. He stands there and stares for what felt like hours until he realized that he was standing there, staring. Hurriedly backing away to allow Cronus inside, he cleared his throat. 

“H-hello Cronus,” He said with a fond smile and red cheeks. 

As the door opens it almost feels as if time slows down. He is about to see the man he has fawned over and dreamt about for years… The man who was the true reason none of his relationships worked for he could never love another as he loved him. As the paler man is revealed he can’t help but stare into his beautiful eyes. He had forgotten how beautiful they were - they are. “Hey there, beautiful.” He steps in shutting the door behind him 

Kankri stiffened, his face flooding with heat. He shoots Cronus a dirty look, because he’s certain the other man is fully aware of the effect that has on him. “Hello Cronus,” he answered, leading him into his living room and sitting down on the couch, motioning for him to sit next to him. He could feel his hands shaking, and he gave him a faint, nervous smile. 

“Oh don’t givwe me that look, Kanny.” He follows him into the living room smiling. As he is motioned to the couch he wets his lips. “I-I know it’s been awhile, but could I get a hug, lovwe?” He sounds extremely nervous and shifts from foot to foot a bit. 

Kankri smiles at Cronus shyly, and nods. He leans in and wraps his arms around him, knowing he probably seems too eager but he can’t really bring himself to care. Cronus smells the same as he always has, and yet just a little bit different. Still, he’s warm and solid and there and Kankri didn’t know much he needed him there until he was right there in front of him, holding him. 

He wraps his arms tight around him. Damn he forgot how much he missed holding Kankri. The feeling of having the other in his arms is like no other. He’s never been able to come close to it by any other means, and now that he has it he almost doesn’t want to let go. However, instead of trying to express it in words he merely kisses the top of his head and buries his face in the shorter males snowy hair. The greaser tightens his arms around the other for a moment sighing contentedly. 

Kankri hums contentedly, feeling safe and at home in Cronus’s arms. He holds him tight against him, and nuzzles his chest a bit. He can’t help it, after all… 

“Thanks for coming, Cronus” he murmured into his collarbones, not willing to separate himself from the other even to speak. “Is it bad that this feels like a dream?” He muses, mostly to himself. Because it does. If it is a dream, however, he just hopes it will last just a little bit longer. 

He shakes his head. “Course I came… I’vwe missed ya, an’ nah.. it’s not bad. it’s the same fer me. God howv’vwe I missed ya.” He takes a deep breath allowing this moment to sink into his memory so he will never forget it. He never wants to forget it. 

“I’ve missed you too. More than you know.” Kankri sighs happily and holds him close. Thanks to a great act of will, he manages to back away the few centimeters required to look up at Cronus’s face. It hit him again, just as hard as it was the first time, just how much he loved this man. With every fiber of  his being, this felt right. 

He is about to hold the other tighter as he feels him pull away, but when he realizes he is only doing it to look up at him he relaxes. His eyes meet shining rubies and he gets lost in them. “God your eyes are beautiful…” He mutters not even realizing that he said it out loud. 

Kankri looked down, his cheeks burning. He had always been very self conscious of his eyes, even if he refused to show it. It became a symbol of his refusal to let people get to him. But for Cronus to call them beautiful… Kankri bit his lip, and stifled the urge to argue the point. 

One of his hands goes to the cheek of the smaller man and tilts his face up to look him in the eyes again. He leans down to kiss him but pauses with a few centimeters between their lips. He’s afraid to push it too far too fast. He bites at his lower lip gingerly for a moment his cheeks flushing a light rose. 

Kankri’s eyes widen as he realizes what Cronus’s intentions were, and he flushes as well. Biting his lip, he considers carefully before leaning in and pressing a soft, chaste kiss to the other man’s lips. His lips are so soft, he didn’t expect them to feel so smooth and warm and… pleasant. Kankri had always thought kissing was kind of disgusting, but now… Well, he could see the appeal. And that was before Cronus even began to kiss back…

His deep blue eyes widen before sinking shut. Kankri’s lips are soft as silk against his. He’s kisses quite a few others before, but none of them have felt like this. None of them have made a warmth spread through his face or made him feel light headed with just a simple little kiss. He kisses back tenderly and with feeling for possibly the first time in his life. 

Kankri’s eyes widened as Cronus started to kiss back, and he started to feel dizzy. He had no idea it could feel this good. It turns out the butterflies were there for a reason, as they started to churn in his stomach-but in a good way, for once. He started to feel giddy, deciding to himself that he would never stop kissing Cronus, not if it felt this good…

After a few moments he pulls away slowly letting out a shuddery breath. He wets his lips starting at the other as if seeing him for the first time all over again. A simple sweet kiss shouldn’t do that much to him, but it did. Not because of the simpleness, but because it was Kankri and the emotion that man had placed in the kiss. It was indescribable, and Cronus is glad it is because if it wasn’t it would have just that less meaning. 

Kankri stood there, eyes wide and trapped in the beautiful blue-violet gaze of the gorgeous man in front of him. The man that he just kissed. He felt tingly all over, and he didn’t really understand why, but he liked it. He was buzzing with happiness and yet the love simmered inside him, creating a warm glow. He absentmindedly touched his lip wonderingly, still having issues believing that it really happened. 

“God….” He trails off his eyes still a bit wide. “I…” His hand goes to Kankri’s cheek and he smiles. “God I fucking lovwe ya, and I don’t think anythin’ vwill evwer be able ta change that.” He kisses his forehead gently before resting his own forehead there smiling. 

  
Kankri blushes, and bites his lip. “I love you too, Cronus. More than you know.” He tilts his head slightly to press his lips to his cheek, before resting his forehead against the other man’s. Closing his eyes, he smiled a stupid, lovesick smile. 


End file.
